I’ve been struggling with how to show up here. I’ve been sick, but it goes beyond that. It’s been hard. Luca cries, a lot. At first, I attributed it to acid reflux, I got the meds, I do think it helped but he’s still just fussy a lot of the time. We then went right into the flu which obviously will make him feel horrible but regardless he has many hour spans of time where he just cries. There are many mornings where Tomas takes the kids to school and I sit in a dark room with Luca and a sound machine and he cries for 2-3 hours straight. It’s such a hard way to start each day. It’s isolating and I haven’t had a baby before that cries a lot so I feel like I’m just constantly trying new things and nothing works, so I just hold him for hours and wait for him to calm down. It’s been so lonely, this season of life is just lonely. So vulnerable to share that but it’s the truth. After a few hours, he calms down and is completely a different baby, he’s calm, sweet, happy, it’s honestly the most wild contrast. Luca has been through a lot, I’m sure there is trauma there medical, adoption, and otherwise and I want to be able to always sit with him in that. I’ve been hesitant to share because I feel like we all anticipated a fairytale from here on out, I know I subconsciously and consciously did and it’s just not exactly panning out that way. Will we get through it? Yes. Is it so freaking hard? Yes. Am I grateful to be home and have my babies together? Yes. Is that looking different from what I had thought? Yes. I do think it will get easier, I do think there is a light at the end of the tunnel and officially move past this hard season. I want to be able to show up authentically and this is just where I’m at right now. I love Luca, I would do anything for him and right now that looks like unconditionally loving and being present when he’s having a really hard time. There are so many sacrificial sides of motherhood and I’m really in a season of living that out knowing God will see me through 🤍 Also @tomasczernek, he carries our family in some of our hardest moments and has an unwavering faith, I don’t think I have ever seen at this level before. He’s amazing 🤍 #downsyndrome #adoption #foryoupage #momsoftiktok #nicu #fyp #medicalmom