We were either together or thinkin bout each other when we was apart. Now im here without you with your son. Nothings changed for me i still think bout you all the time while were apart. (Lucas broke down bc of missing you then Xander said “merry christmas daddy” and he lost it, screaming about how its not fair. And its not. Then they asked something they havnt since the day we lost you. “How?” I told them were not going to talk about that today but that you were sick. Theyre still so young how could they understand? Ive talked to them about mental health and suicide. but i cant break that to them still. Its like losing you all over again. I cant bare the thought of breaking them all over again espcially when we are still so broken.) #pleasestay #justonemoredaythenanotherafterthat