#npd #narcissism I only wanted the three C’s—CONTROL—CHEAT—and to CONFUSE. I didn’t want a good woman. Being controlling. Was to make myself seem much more than who I was, I wasn’t that guy. If she allowed me to do it and get away with it, I began to believe it more! She had the control but she didn’t know it. I knew all along and i hated it! Being a cheater was done only because I had to find a way to not like like her as much. I did like her because I knew that love wasn’t available from me—it wasn’t available because I, on purpose, replaced love with fear of love! That felt really good and comfortable to me. It was safer and had been since I was 11. Most times, after I cheated, I became mad at the woman that I cheated with. Narcissists know who loves them—those are the women we run from and treat bad. We really don’t like that part. Being confusing was done so that you didn’t or couldn’t find the time to truly love me or want to stay with me. I “really” didn’t want you to go, but I “really” also, didn’t want you to stay, and I “really” didn’t want anyone else to have you. I was “really” confused, too. You weren’t alone but I couldn’t tell you that. It’s draining, yes, I know this—trust me, I live it everyday. I just want to be safe. I am tired of just surviving but only if I can just trust Leon, I’ll be ok and you will be too. My projector runs and runs and runs, replaying my childhood. Most of that is in the past, but I still project onto you so that I don’t have to love you—believe me, I know better and that’s the funny and sad part❤️ #npd #fear #cheater #control #runaway #covertnarcissism #overtnarcissist #liarliar #weakness #goodwomen #her